I'm eating all of the evidence.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
