Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
