how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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