I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
