did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
