I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
