I think i sorta joined a cult last night
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
