Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
