just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
