Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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