mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
