i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
