i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
