so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
