Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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