We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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