Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
