i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
