I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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