1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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