Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
