I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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