i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
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Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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