Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
