It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
