dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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