My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
