in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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