I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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