so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
