I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
