Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
