I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
