Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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