I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
