I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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