You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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