he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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