I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
