South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
