I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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