you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
