I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
