I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
