The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
