You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
