And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
