i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
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