I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
