did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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