best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
