hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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