I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
