brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize