Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
