its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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