did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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