Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
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What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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