It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
