can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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