My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
