Betty ford says i'm here all night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
