Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
