I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
