omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
