I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
