Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
