Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
