The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
