billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
