Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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