I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
