i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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