hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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